Bark's Magic House
by Currently Dating Spike
Summary: Parody of Howl's Moving Castle. The adventures of Bark and Skatie. Rated T for implied drug use, swearting, adult themes, etc. A Liannah Story
1. Episode 1: I'm a Sexy Man

**This story began in 2009, maths class. Written by Hannah and Liz in school when we can't be stuffed doing all the crap teachers give us. **

**We hope you enjoy.**

Lead Characters:

Bark – voice by Hannah doing a sexy man's voice.

Skatie – Voiced by Liz doing a frightened little girl's voice.

Skatie: Oh! Save me Howl! I mean Bark.

Bark: I'm a sexy man. Oh no, Skatie's in trouble!

Skatie: Yes, you bastard, now come and save me!

Bark: Just give me a minute to fix my hair. God, I'm so hot.

Skatie: TOSSER!

Bark: I'm so hot, I even turn myself on. How many other guys can say that?

Skatie: About ninety percent of them. You're not special! Now come and save me!

Bark: Sexy man away!

*FIGHT*

Bark: ARGH! You broke my nail, you son of a –

Skatie: BARK! Can it and get the hell out of here!

Bark: You interrupted my whining! Now I'm going to have to start over. ARGH! You bro –

*Skatie karate chops him on the head*

Evil guy: He's the hero of the story?

Skatie: 'Fraid so.

Evil guy: He's freaking hot! *Starts drooling*

Bark: *Snaps awake* Aren't I, though?

Skatie: He's a freaking moron. I think you look like a truck ran over your face.

Bark and evil guy: WHAT?!

Skatie: You're a hideous crone and I feel sick just looking at you. Jace is way hotter.

Bark: NOOO! I give up! I see no point in living if I can't be beautiful.

Skatie: I was SO hoping you'd say that.

*Bark jumps off random cliff*

Skatie: Hello handsome. *Starts making out with Jace*

**We understand if you don't like it, but hey, we felt like publishing it anyway. Many more references to fiction to come. And we would like to state that Japanese anime characters are REALLY hot, especially Howl. And no, we don't find that weird.**

**Review!**


	2. Episode 2: Priceline, Pimples & Kittens

Skatie: Oh. I thought you'd jumped off a cliff.

Bark: I did. Something broke my fall.

Skatie: Your head, perhaps?

Bark: *Shrugs* Probably.

HP: Skatie! Shower's free!

Bark: Who the hell are you?

Skatie: Harry, Bark. Bark, Harry.

HP: *Snorts* What kind of name is Bark?

Bark: WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING IN MY BATHROOM!

HP: What do you think?

Bark: You better not have used my mango body wash. It's expensive.

HP: No it's not. You got it from Priceline.

Bark: I did not!

HP: You left the sticker on. My god, is that a pimple on your nose?

Bark: WHAT? NO! *runs to bathroom*

Skatie: That was just hitting below the belt.

HP: Whose side are you on?

Skatie: Last time he got a pimple he nearly killed himself. It's a serious problem.

Bark: Why, you dirty little liar!

*Bark turns Harry into a frog*

Skatie: Why the hell did you do that?

Bark: He discovered my secret.

*Frog hops out of the front door*

Skatie: Ah, well. He was a terrible shag.

Bark: Enough of this chit chat Skatie. Pour me a bath.

Skatie: Pour it yourself you worthless git.

*Bang on door*

Evil warlord: OPEN UP! Ooh, a kitten!

*Bark runs into bathroom*

Skatie: *Opens door* What's the problem?

Evil warlord: I'm looking for Bark. And how much is this kitten?

Skatie: *Glances at kitten* Dunno, never seen it bef- Oh, oh THAT kitten. Five hundred bucks. And why do you want Bark?

Evil Warlord: I'm going to kill him!

Skatie: Just through to the bathroom.

Evil Warlord: Thank you. I'll be back for the kitten.

*Loud noise from bathroom. Frog hops out of door and hides behind Skatie*

Skatie: *Disappointed* I thought you aid you were going to kill him.

Evil Warlock: He's not worth it. Here's your money.

*Hands Skatie money, picks up kitten and leaves*

Skatie: *To frog* Why doesn't anyone who says they're going to kill you ever actually kill you?

Bark: *Changes back into person* Beats me. How much of that is mine?

Skatie: What did you do to him?

Bark: Slept with his wife.

Skatie: *Snorts* I'm taking a bath.

Bark: And while you're there, run me-

Skatie: No. And the money is mine. Screw you.

Bark: In your dreams.

**Obviously, HP is Harry Potter. We love Bark and bath time!!!**

**Liannah xoxo**


End file.
